Hello, fellow blood bowlers and welcome to another edition of Cabal TV Presents Nuffle Be Praised Presenting Thursday Night Blood Bowl! Tonight's game brings us to Nuffle's Gym the appropriately named home stadium of Coach DaltMC's #Swole; the drunken dwarf fraternity whose blood alcohol levels are actually higher than their GPA's!
Their opponents tonight, Snakbar7's Arctic Underoos find themselves on top of the NBP Eastern Northern Division after week one and look to put themselves firmly ahead with a victory tonight. The Underoos are coming off an impressive performance against Sticks and Stones, can they replicate their success against a much stouter dwarf team? Let's get down to the action!
Our dedicated fans will know that during week one's match up against Strong Bad's Awesome Team, #Swole player The Brofessional suffered an injury from a rock thrown by a fan. Instead of warning their fans against similar behavior it seems as if #Swole has learned from their experience and allowed some unsavory fans of their own to sneak in rocks of unusual size. We will see if this is an isolated incident or if there is something more at play.
After the kickoff, #Swole took possession and began to methodically move up the field using a dwarf cage featuring “The King of The Keg Stand” Abraham “Drinkin'” Lincoln, the number one runner and key to #Swole's offense.
The dwarves must have been drunker than usual because they couldn't get any armor breaks against the Underoos. I should also point out that by observation the Arctic Underoos themselves looked rather inebriated, failing a number of dodges that normally would present only a moderate challenge.
Despite the dwarves steady progress down the pitch, they couldn't shake the strong defense from the Underoos. With Lincoln exposed, the Underoos were able to free the ball with a blitz and take possession with the first half rapidly expiring. Coach Snakbar7 made a number of aggressive calls to trigger the turnover, including leaving his players on the edge of the pitch.
Even though the Arctic Underoos stole possession, it did not come without its cost. Both Skalla and Olfalfir found themselves on the receiving end of crowdsurfs from the rowdy dwarf drinkers! Once in the hands of the also drunk hostile fans it didn't take long for the damage to be done.
With their numbers dwindling, the Underoos persevered but were unable to score a touchdown in the waning moments of the first half. The Norse squad looked to regroup in the second half as a fresh delivery of Bloodweiser was delivered to both locker rooms. A betting man would suspect that the injuries are about to pick up!
After the brief intermission, it now appears that the only people who aren't drunk are in fact the referees and maybe some of the cameramen although some dodgy zooming and tracking shots might dispute that.
Another unfortunate kick off event for Arctic Underoos. #Swole made full use of their home team advantage as the crowd roars and drunkenly shouts for blood! It's a testament to the steely resolve of the Norsemen, who even facing a numbers disadvantage, refuse to yield the pitch.
After a booming kick the Arctic Underoos gained the ball and set about getting on the scoreboard. Anticipation of violence hung thick in the air as the dwarves and norsemen exchanged uneasy looks. Grimr Kormak dashed down the pitch and prepared to cross midfield.
Facing a shortage of players, the Underoos were unable to form a complete cage, allowing #Swole to position a troll slayer and long beard to force a change of course. Snakbar7 showed no signs of being intimidated as he smashed open a hole and ran for day light.
Again showing signs of no fear the Underoos ended the turn with their runner on the edge of the pitch, leaving him exposed to the surf and another attack from “The #Swole Soldiers” the Blood Bowl Hooligan Club aligned to #Swole. After a failed dodge and re-roll, Kormak found himself sandwiched between two dwarves with bad intentions. With a successful block, the third Norseman of the day was tossed off the pitch and into the crowd. This time they didn't settle for just the knock out, pummeling poor Kormak until he was injured!
While the crowd surfed Kormak's injured body to the casualty pile, they began to throw the ball around the stadium. It took all the goblin referees to restore order to the game and to get the ball back on the pitch. After a very fortunate throw in for #Swole it looked as if the dwarves were just "sober enough" to drive the ball into the endzone.
With the rough breaks still rolling for the Underoos, #Swole took possession once again and caged up with the ball. It looked as if “Drinkin” Lincoln was going to be able to score after all. The numbers advantage was simply too great for the Underoos to overcome as #Swole continued to punish with injuries.
After the Underoos lost their lone Ulfwerener they made one last ditch attempt to rescue a tie out of a loss. A risky blitz on Lincoln resulted in a push leaving the Arctic Underoos unable to disrupt the score.
Scoring with only one turn to go left on each side, #Swole made it impossible for the Arctic Underoos to salvage a tie. But with still a turn left to be played the bloodshed wasn't through yet. On the ensuing kick off, yet another unruly fan threw a rock, downing another Norseman in the process. Fortunately it was only a stun. Out for revenge and not caring that they couldn't win; the Underoos injured Bro Namth to show that they wouldn't be pushed around!
With only one turn left and victory assured #Swole began the celebration early as “Drinkin” Lincoln picked up the ball and threw it for a completed pass for no reason other than he was drunk and he could!
Well that wraps it up, fans! Another edition of Cabal TV Presents Nuffle Be Praised Presenting Thursday Night Blood Bowl! Thanks for tuning in and remember to always Praise Nuffle!